For context, "Incoherent Rant #n" is gonna be a series of blog post where I just rant about some of my random thoughts. This series of blog post are gonna be really messy and random, so don't expect any quality writing.
ok so I was figuring out a human version for penpen and nepnep, and you know, they are supposed to complete oposites. but at the same time, I'm penpen, it's based on me. so it's design is easy, but nepnep? he's not only the oposite to penpen, (so he's the oposite to me) but he's also a potential love interest, because I thought it'd be fun to ship them but at the same time is weird because they are kinda like the same thing but oposite, and then I'M penpen. so, who's nepnep?
so maybe I'm going completely insane, but there is a reason why this stood up to me. a white and a black cat, it sonded familiar. and then I remembered. my FIRST ocs were also a white cat and a black cat. the white representing me, the black representing the oposite/love interest?
these ocs and this pattern, for some reason they feel very personal. and I was trying to psychoanalize myself about this. because, what does it mean to represent myself as the light and then having my love interest be the dark? it could be that oposites atract each other, but I don't think it's that. because they are not only the light and the dark, they are the light side of the moon, and the dark side of the moon (metaphorically). so, they're oposites, but they are oposites sides TO THE SAME BEING. SO IT'S FUCKING WEIRD
BUT, IT DOESN'T STOP THERE: I have really weird dreams, I think part of it might be repressed trauma. but there's another part of that, of my dreams, that I don't understand. and it's “someone”. since forever, there's always been “someone” in some of my dreams. and that “someone” was and is different from the other people in my dreams. this “someone” feels close. but unknown? they feel like a close stranger. someone I've never seen neither in my life nor in my dreams. someone that I haven't been able to imagine in my head yet, but that my heart feels like we've spent lifetimes together. ok I don't need to get poetic but you know what I mean. so, the point that I was trying to make is that, I have only told my 2 close friends about it, and one of them knows A LOT about dreams and psychology, like she has the same psychosis I have basically. and she told me something that I don't really understand, but that I think about a lot. she told me that this “someone” who is close but unknown, might be my subconscious.
it's 6am I haven't slept, I'm drinking monster, listening to nightcore and writing this shit in the darkness of my room. but, ALL OF THIS is something I've seen before, not in my dreams, not in my art, not in my insane ramblings. but in a diagram, made by a swiss writer/psychiatrist from the 20th century. THAT'S RIGHT BABY, IT'S TIME FOR CARL FUCKING JUNG FEATURING THE EGO VS THE SELF.
like I said I'm fuctioning out of caffeine and nightcore so deal with me for a second here. so, Carl Jung… ok so, by reading all of this rant, you might think that I'm either A. smart, B. insane, C. all of the above. and, if you chose C, you are wrong, because contrary to popular belief, I'm actually really fucking stupid and my two remaining braincells might as well be my parents in the way they are separated and sick of each other. so I'm just insane. and by that I mean that, you have to be insane to know who Carl Jung is, but you have to be smart to understand what the fuck he was trying to say. so yeah, my point is, I know about the ego vs the self and the whole weird thingy he said about the shadow, and the unconsciousness and all of us being non binary. and I'm interested in all of that, but I don't really know what he means. like it's something that I definitely need to dive deeper into, because I feel like I'm projecting all of that stuff into my art, and idk, maybe if I take the time to learn about Carl Jung I might become enlightened and discover the gateway to the forth dimension, but yeah, whatever.
honestly this blog is just a canvas onto which I needed to splatter my insanity, so there's really no point I was trying to make, I just needed to get this out of my system.
oh my god I just looked back at all of the text I've written. if I end up finishing my website, and I end up putting this in my website, and someone ends up actually reading it, uhm… I'm sorry? I'm sorry for wasting your time reading it but at the same time I'm sorry because wow, if I'm a loser for writing all of this nonsense, then I don't even wanna know what YOU are for reading all of this nonsense coming from a stranger on the internet. but thanks for reading :]
anyway yeah bye bye.
I wanna listen to the iCarly theme.